Do you hate morning people?
Well, here’s what I learned today: morning people are persecuted. This is shocking for me because I always thought of them as the aggressors.
There was a while where I was having to be at work every day before the sun came up, and I am a morning corpse, the opposite of a morning person in every way.
My wife takes a picture of me mere moments before I will be grumpy…
I’m the one in the brown shirt.
I would stumble out of bed at the last possible second, take the world’s fastest and least conscious shower, and then be off to work with the bitter resentment that only comes from being yanked out of bed by social norms. To help you understand my mood, just know that I grew to dislike the morning DJs of every station I listened to in due time. It wasn’t their fault, I was just that unhappy to be awake at that hour.
Upon arrival, I worked in a relatively small space with 10 other people, and of course, some of them were morning people. While we zombies sat nearly motionless except for occasional mouse-clicks, the morning people would be at full speed talking to each other, walking around the building, and making things happen.
Often, as I struggled to focus on the face of an eager, early-morning conversationalist, I would be jealous of their ability to display signs of life at that hour, let alone seem happy.
The Plight of the Morning People
It never occurred to me that morning people are facing a battle that we zombies are rarely conscious enough to notice, and as it turns out, we’re the enemy.
What’s the harm in making fun of them for falling asleep during movies? Who could it hurt when we chastise them for their inability to leave the house after dark? As I learned from this comic strip by Scott Meyer, they feel our bitter resentment at every turn.
Check it out to catch a glimpse into the underground culture of morning person survival tactics. If you often spend your mornings as a corpse, this alternate perspective just might shock you make you laugh. If you’re a morning person, it might just save your life.
14 responses so far ↓
1 Peggy // Aug 8, 2007 at 9:08 pm
Alas…I am not a morning person either…so I feel for the little ones that will greet me next week as early as 7:45am—poor things!
I can’t fall asleep until Jimmy Kimmel is over, making the alarm clock sound off rather rudely and quickly when 6:00am arrives.
But there is productive work that must be done at the crack of dawn so more power to this happy, cheery morning folks out there
2 Bush Mackel // Aug 8, 2007 at 9:30 pm
It seems that usually I AM a morning person unless I have to go to work. It’s weird. On the weekend I’ll be up early ready to get on with the day. During the work week I just can’t seem to get enough sleep. *shrugs*
3 Scot Smith // Aug 8, 2007 at 11:05 pm
This is a great post for today
I hate being a morning zombie.
My girlfriend’s parents just don’t understand why I don’t want to wake up at 4am on a Saturday morning to help with a garage sale :D.
4 Tiffany // Aug 8, 2007 at 11:22 pm
I had an accidental foray into the world of the morning person yesterday (I am a morning Zombie). But I accidentally went to work an hour early yesterday. A whole hour. I got up, didn’t look at the clock and assumed I was late, so I just rushed off. I got to work and faced an empty parking lot and thought - is it Saturday? or a holiday?
I finally looked at the clock - and it was 7 a.m. One other car pulled into the parking lot. The morning person cheerfully entered the building, gave me a strange look and commenced about work while I started some coffee to force my eyelids to say propped open. I still haven’t recovered that hour of sleep!
5 Rose // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:25 am
I’m not a morning person either. It is a fight with myself to stay awake.
6 Eric "Speedcat Hollydale" // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:31 am
Great site, and this picture with the cat is very funny! I am OK after drinking my coffee on the way to work. Before that I am cranky and NO fun
7 Chuck Westbrook // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:52 am
@Bush– I’ve got a friend who is a teacher (5am alarm setting) and she tries to psyche herself up for a road trip as she goes to bed. It’s the most positive image she can come up with for waking up that early, and she says it helps.
What we’re waking up for definitely influences how eager we are to wake up.
8 Chuck Westbrook // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:53 am
@Scot– Pass this message on to your girlfriend’s parents for me, “Garage sales rarely get traffic at 4am.” This should do the trick, and you can thank me later.
9 Chuck Westbrook // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:54 am
@Tiffany– You know, you’re not the first person I’ve heard of doing that, and you’re lucky you were only off by an hour. What really hurts is when you miss by 5 or 6 hours… or even by an entire day.
Imagine if your thought, “is today a holiday?” had been correct!
10 Chuck Westbrook // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:55 am
@Rose– Do you think it’s a coincidence that so many of us zombies are commenting here between midnight and 1am?
I guess I’m assuming something about timezones, but I can’t be off by more than 24 hours, right?
11 Chuck Westbrook // Aug 9, 2007 at 12:56 am
@Eric– Make sure you read the little comic strip. The subtle blurb about coffee was my favorite part.
12 Eric B // Aug 9, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I consider myself to be a morning person if “early morning” starts at 9 am on a weekday and 11 am on weekends.
13 pearl // Aug 11, 2007 at 6:29 am
haha this is really funny
Guess I am like Bush Mackel ….I AM a morning person and even today on a Saturday morning, I completely forgot it was the weekend and took shower at 6am to get ready for work ….
that must sound pathetic 
morning ppl are cursed ….
thanks for stopping by and commenting Chuck…. tc and kit…
14 chris GHAHHHH hillman // Feb 9, 2008 at 4:02 am
I am a NIGHT person (typing this at 2am) and an artist.
I noticed something ReaLLY interesting when I went to Art school ..
basically EveRY Other Art student there was a Night-Person and NO it wasn`t because they were just college students! ..it was a major obvious surprising across the board “EverYbody always stayed-up till 3am even through high-school” compared to the 35% maybe that I`d always seen up to that point in schools etc.
I know mY pattern as an artist is to have my schedule progress Naturally to a later and later time because of the right-half / left-half of the brain thing.. when you want to do something creative the left-half of the brain doesn`t want to give up the dominance it`s had so it makes you want to clean the apt, do your taxes, finish watching tv, dishes etc. etc. ..BUT ..when it finally DOES let-go and you start painting / drawing / building..NOW you don`t want to STOP until you`re ready to drop (which is Great..it means you get alot done each day) …I don`t have an attitude against morning people because they can`t stay-up .. I DO have an attitude against morning people for a few reasons! …
A: I Never hear “I can`t stay up” .. I ALWAYS hear “ooooh I can`t make myself stay in bed that long in the morning” …HOW CAN YOU NOT..’NOT GET UP’ ?!!!??? ..THE BEST (sorry bout all the capitals) SLEEP YOU EVER FrEaKiN GET is that Extra Extra Sleep you get in the MORNINGS after you`ve ‘kinda already woke up’ C`MOOON GAWD!!!
B: ..I have a sister that is a super morning person (goes to bed at 7-8pm and up at 4) ..AND! ..y`know EVERY FrEAKiN TIME i EVER want to go do something with her it`s “HEY lets do it at 6am!!” …WHAT`S THE MATTER with these people!!!???!!??
I would NEVER in a million years say “hey come over to my place for dinner (”oh what time are we eating?”) .. 3AM! ..that would be Sick! ..but CONSTANTLY CONSTANTLY CONSTANTLY Morning people try to FORCE EVERYBODY ELSE on the PLANET to COnFoRM to THIER schedule …look at school schedules, work schedules etc. etc.
C: ..example: .. i was coming home from work at the old Tower Records in Philadelphia one morning from staying all night with a coworker dealing with the computer system..and I noticed a morning cafe I never saw before (always closed when i`m awake) ..so i went in and got a doughnut and said “gee i`m usually going to bed about this time” …And the Lady behind the Counter looked at me with disgust “ooooh what`s the matter with yoOoU?” …meanwhile her eyes were hardly hardly open (same as everyone else there) and she was clutching her HUGE Coffee she had to take to force herself awake.
little tidbit…
If you consider yourself a “morning person” ..but you goto work with one of those GIANT COFFEE mugs (gulp gulp gulp) …you`re not a morning person ..you`ve just FORCED your body to do something totally unatural (especially obvious if the other reason you can`t stay in bed is because you “get a headache if you don`t get up early enough” …. that`s the caffene ..i was there for a few months)
ok done ranting …
and yeah i`m ranting because I want to work on things but now I HAVE to goto bed and stare at the ceiling and get 5 hours sleep because i`m going to my sisters for turkey “Dinner” …. at noon …dinner at noon …up at 8..shower ..drive drive drive …noon …why? .. i dunno
oh great now it`s 3am
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