Picture the last unhealthy relationship you were in. Hold that thought while you read this email I received from a reader:
If you’re in a dead-end relationship, your friends tell you to break up and walk away, and *the sooner the better*, because the longer you wait, the worse it will become.
However, if you’re in a job that’s sucking all the joy out of your life, the prevailing attitude is still: get up, dress up, show up, and
shut up.
Why do friends and family seem to be so quick to get rid of a love interest yet so determined to keep us in a bad job?
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13 responses so far ↓
1 Melissa // Aug 6, 2007 at 5:42 pm
What a good point! I think the reason friends encourage us to keep our bad jobs is the same reason we continue to keep them: the paycheck.
2 Rebecca Thorman // Aug 6, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Because jobs are just that, and not careers. And we prioritize relationships over jobs (and careers).
3 John // Aug 6, 2007 at 7:52 pm
Rebecca, an awful relationship and an awful job both make you miserable. Not sure why prioritizing relationships would mean you should stay in a bad job. Is that what you’re saying?
4 icedragon // Aug 6, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Good points, we think that our jobs begin to define us, in stead of viceversa, the feeling of having the “oportunity” to work is strong and one of the main causes to not leave a life-eating work lifestyle
5 Tiffany // Aug 7, 2007 at 7:23 am
It’s fear. It’s always fear. That there’s nothing better around the corner. That you won’t make as much money. That you’ll dissapoint someone.
6 Jason // Aug 7, 2007 at 7:50 am
I think it all comes down to how people treat business and pleasure.
It’s long been held in society that relationships are where you use your passion, your emotion, and seek happiness; your job is where you put your time in, suck it up and make a living. I always grew up believing that a job was something you DO, not something you ENJOY.
Of course, many people have figured out that this is complete garbage. If a job is like an unhappy relationship, then it’s going to cause you serious problems down the road and you should get out.
It’s just like your earlier post about your stressed-out friend. He’s so wrapped up in what he THINKS a job should be that he’s stuck in the career equivalent of an abusive relationship, just thinking “it’s bad now, but it will get better.” And every time he gets close enough to realizing it, there’s the proverbial apology in the form of a raise, promotion, or pat on the back. And so the cycle begins anew.
Sorry for hijacking your comment section; I’ve been away from the computer a lot this week, I think I’m going into writer’s withdrawal
7 Lex // Aug 7, 2007 at 8:56 am
I think Tiffany has a point, it might many times come down to fear, and I think it is a combination of fears. There are so many unknowns when you quit a job, just like when you leave a relationship. With a job though the possibility that you may not find another job in enough time not to lose your, house, car, apartment all of the things you need in life that are vital to survival is a pretty big risk that keep people from quitting. That is my biggest fear. I am in a “bad relationship” kind of job. But what keeps me in it is pure unadulterated fear. Fear I will never find something better. Fear that I will never find another job especially since I have hopped jobs 3 times in the last 3 years. Fear that I will find another job but it will be worse. Quitting a job (when you have financial responsibilities) is a very scary step, but so is breaking up with someone. I want to quit but I don’t want to make a mistake that I know I am going to regret.
8 Chuck Westbrook // Aug 7, 2007 at 12:36 pm
@All of you– This is a great discussion. Thanks for each of your contributions.
@Jason– There is no such thing as thread hijacking on this site. I crave reader participation. Comment in volume and frequency, I implore all of you.
@Tiffany and Lex– So fear is why we stay in our bad jobs, but is it protectiveness that causes people to tell us to stay in a bad job?
They project that fear onto us and encourage the fear we already have?
9 Michael Celender // Aug 8, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Excellent points, one and all. I have to go with Tiffany and Lex on this one. At the root of anything that keeps us from something better is always fear. Actually, I have quite a lot to say on this subject since I left my well paid career as a Leadership Consultant in corporate America a year ago and never looked back. No, I didn’t go for another job…don’t want one. I followed my bliss as they say and won’t ever go back - God willing! Now I help others get out of the self-imposed rut they find themselves in with a job they hate. My book will be out in a few weeks called, Escape the Cubicle: Unleash the Hero Within (name may change). It gives the in depth analysis of the very points you are each making. I’ve also got Lex beat in that I had 7 different jobs in 9 years! Never buy into the BS they try to sell you that you won’t find another one if you leave the one you have. I am a living example that it is a fear mongering lie. Of course, my point is not to just get another one you will not like either. Find your gift or talent and pursue that at all costs. Push through the fear and I promise you “unseen hands” will help you in that endeavor. Having some faith in something bigger out there helps a great deal as well. My challenge to the unhappy working world is refuse to put up with it a moment longer. My promise is that you came into this world for that very reason, to face the adventure of the fight against tyranny and oppression - even in its subtle forms. That is much of what the corporate world is about. Check it out at www.unleashthehero.com. I wish you the best in finding what you seek!
10 Darlene // Aug 15, 2007 at 12:06 am
I like your blog. I am very glad I found you. I was reading copyblogger tonight and found the link to your site. Good stuff. Check your email. I sent you a note. I would love to have you visit my blog talk radio show.
11 Modite - Engagement for the next generation // Aug 22, 2007 at 12:20 am
[…] and move on as soon as possible. The real world isn’t all that great sometimes. Young workers shouldn’t have to pay dues to a workforce that is often dirty, unethical and […]
12 Tiffany in Seattle // Nov 5, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Wow, this site has been great. I feel relived to read what people are saying that are the thoughts in my head. It’s invigorating to read these posts and remind myself that I just need to get out while I still have my spirit.
13 TM DHAR // Nov 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Dear all,
Nice to see you share some of my thoughts.
Here is one thought though!
These days we do not bring in family values into our job roles right from chairman to doorman. We define the roles and we continue to out-source them internally to each other (in Management terms it is called “Delegation”). This needs to change - I mean if everyone does his/her job properly there is hardly anything left to delegate. The need of the hour is to set the right expectations and stick to them (hard to create and achieve them) to avoid bad jobs and bad relationships.
Relationship is formed over years of marriage (I mean maried to the job) and you end up getting the hardest part of the deal which is frustration/fear/disappointment/loss of self esteem (which I cll them as seasons - Winter/Summer/Rainy/Fall) .
Let us protect ourseleves with these seasons and they will come and go and come again for everyone of us.
What we need is a raincoat (cover by the boss), a sweater (wramth from your collegues and people), an Umbrella (protection from harmful people, aggressive clients et al) and a place to relax / re-train / think (during the fall/autumn).
Not sure how many nurture and embrace these seasons in one’s life and at work place with added dose of family values (many say but it takes very few to do it with courage and conviction)
Think about it….
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