It’s always tough to watch someone you love go through something difficult. If your spouse truly hates his or her job, you will want desperately to be able to help.
Here are some effective ideas for how to do just that.
- Encourage them to make a change: It is easy to get in a rut with a bad job and to have mixed feelings about the need to get out. There will be self-doubt, confusion, and fear, but your job is to keep a level head, help address those concerns, and remind him or her that finding something else is, in fact, a good idea.
- Help them focus on other thoughts: Work can be all-consuming when it’s miserable. Sunday nights become an extension of Monday morning and sleep becomes restless. An exercise goal, a hobby, spending time with friends, charitable work, reading for pleasure–you may have to insist that the person takes some time for other important activities rather than just vegetating in front of the TV.
- Point them to constructive actions: When you’re inside of a bad situation, it can be tough to see the way out. Encourage them to think about their goals and dreams. Help them understand what they like and dislike about their current job, have them investigate other careers, and remind them to apply for other jobs.
- Bear the burden when possible: Taking care of your spouse by assuming more responsibility than is expected of you can be a huge blessing to the weary worker. Whether it’s doing the laundry, watching the kids, balancing the checkbook, or working on a resume, they will feel loved and supported. They’ll also be able to breathe a bit easier since their workload will be reduced.
- Be optimistic: Without ignoring reality, take a positive approach to your discussions with your spouse. When he or she feels doubtful, encourage them. When they complain, focus on positive action. When they are optimistic, agree with them. If there was ever a time to be an encourager, it is now.
- Loving someone doesn’t mean being a doormat: You need to be something stronger than that. There will be times when your spouse wants to extend rest into laziness, fear into paralysis, or expression into whining and complaint. Your job is to be a supportive encourager. There are times when that means speaking up, and it is a privilege to be able to act in that role for someone in a time of need if you do it kindly.
- At the same time, they don’t need another boss. Try to know when they really do need to just sit in front of the TV. Pushing them is not the same thing as encouraging them.
A bad job can put a strain on a marriage, but despite the increased tension, there is an opportunity to demonstrate love in a powerful way. Take the opportunity to be the giver, to love unconditionally, to motivate, and to encourage.
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6 responses so far ↓
1 Melanie // Nov 7, 2007 at 8:31 pm
I bet your wife is very grateful to have so much support when she has a bad day at work.
I especially appreciated the part about reducing the spouse’s workload when possible. On bad days, it is such a relief and a gift to come home and realize that chore I was dreading has already been done fore me. Great post!
2 Deron Sizemore // Nov 8, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Nice article Chuck. My wife was going through this recently. Hated her job, but didn’t know what to do. I tried to encourage her the best I could to find something else. I would have loved for her to just be able to quit in the meantime while she searched for something else but our finances would have struggled, so that made it hard. Luckily, she’s found something else and enjoys it very much. Both our stress levels are much lower now.
3 Mimi // Dec 17, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Been there! I hated my job so much that when I came home at night I’d be really stressed about going to work the next morning, I’d have trouble sleeping, and felt so sick in the morning that sometimes I’d vomit, all from stress…!
My boyfriend was great, even though he has a really busy work-life.
He’s also been very supportive with me freelancing… Eek, he’s amazing! Thanks for the great post,
Mimi
4 The Office Newb // Dec 24, 2007 at 10:26 pm
This advice also applies to people with spouses/significant others who are unemployed and looking for work.
Due to the heavily-contracted nature of his work, my ex spends several months of the year looking for work. He experiences the same sort of defeat and desperation as someone unhappy with their current work situation.
Basically I just made sure I was as supportive as possible. I let him work out his feelings however he needed but let him know I was available if he needed anything or wanted to talk.
Worked well for both of us and he’s now been employed steadily for the past year!
5 jobsinireland.ORG // Mar 18, 2008 at 9:51 am
Good points. Trying to be the solution to your spouses job problems is not the answer, you need to be able to give a sympathetic shoulder and ear and to suggest alternatives. Don’t make the decisions for them ! Believe me in the long run it will save you a lot of hassle !
Paul
6 kyle steed // Nov 6, 2008 at 12:40 am
My wife is currently going through a rough time at her job and this post is perfect for helping me see some new ways that I can be of assistance to her. Thanks so much.
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